i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
how does that bad decision feel?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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