the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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