dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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