my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Randomize
