come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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