Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Randomize
