I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize