Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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