I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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