how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
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I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
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Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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