I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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