i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
