She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
