a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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