My vagina just recognized that song.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
