can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
