Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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