So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
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It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
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Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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