im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
