Kiss
Puke
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
