So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize