my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
