I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
