i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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