Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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