Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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