There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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