OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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