Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
