maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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