dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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