Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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