I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
