She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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