Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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