This dress was meant to end up on your floor
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
