Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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