he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
