im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
