please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
