We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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