I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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