checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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