I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
