listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
