dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
