im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
