Little spoons don't ask big questions
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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