ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
