I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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