Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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