his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
