problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
