Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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