I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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