Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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