I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
