i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
