Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
