Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
They are going to name an STD after you.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
