My cat gives me a boner
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
