you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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