i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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