i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
