Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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