Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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