I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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