i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
